Wednesday, September 15, 2010

ASIA: The woman. The myth. The LEGEND!

So yesterday I was having a bad day. A terrible no good, very bad day! I don't even know why really. Well I do. I'm pregnant and my hormones were sucker punching me, but still.
Just call me Alexander
(Sidebar: If you're ever bored Google "no good very bad day". Amazing pictures like these come up:

Trust. You won't be disappointed.)(You're welcome.)

Anyway, I was a hot mess. I ended up leaving work early and crying to Lulu and Mama Nixonsleeve about nothing and everything. It was just one of those days, you know? So I decided that I needed a pedicure to help me feel better. A pedi always lifts my spirits! I went to my usual place, only to find my girl Helen didn't work there anymore. BOO HISS. Annoyed, I asked that whoever gave me the pedicure be really good at giving foot massages. Because my dogs? They were barkin'!!!

Enter: Asia. 

No, not the world's largest and most populous continent. No, not the 80s rock group with hits such as "Heat of the Moment". The amazing nail lady with the hands of a Grecian god. She should seriously consider insuring her hands like JLo insured her butt. Because those are her money makers, people. Her hands, or as I like to call them, Cash & Money, worked wonders on my swollen, fat, feet. Things were looking up.

From the moment I laid my baby blues on Asia (I can guarantee that's not to be her birth name. But that doesn't mean I don't appreciate what she was doing in choosing that name), I knew I'd like her.

Reason #1- She was dressed like B Spears in the Hit me Baby One More Time video. 
I like it. And I respect it.
Something along the lines of this. Of course she didn't JUST have a sports bra on (what kind of nail tech do you take her for?!) but it was close. And yes, she had her hair done like that too. I wasn't even mad, I was impressed.

And things only got better...

Reason #2- She asked me if I wanted an eyebrow wax just one time!!! ONE. TIME. 

Let the record show that it is NOT a requirement by the Institute of Nail People to make them ask you 598094839x if you "want eyebrow wax?", "want lip wax?" or worse, "chin wax?" thereby making you feel like the hairiest person this side of the Mason Dixon.

Update: I told Joel all about Asia. And do you know his first question? "Did she ask you, 'you want eyebrow wax?'" SEE! Even HE knows that nail ladies ALWAYS ask that. (By talking so much about this question I realize it might sound like I'm implying I'm really hairy. But I'm not. For real.)

Reason #3- Her mitts.

Did I mention she had the hands of an Asian Incredible Hulk? (In a good way.)
Just take it as a compliment, Asia.

Reason #4- She gave me unsolicited pregnancy advice. That I actually liked.

Asia was seriously concerned regarding my feet and cankles ankles. As I was paying she whispered to me that I needed to go to the store and buy salt scrub and throw it in some hot water, soak them, then, (and this is the key), have my husband rub my feet for long time. BOOM goes the dynamite! She also said stuff about drinking milk, not eating junk food, blah blah whatevs...HUSBAND. MASSAGING MY FEET. FOR AN INFINITE AMOUNT OF TIME. What Asia wants, Asia gets.

Needless to say if I'm willing to do an entire post dedicated to Asia, you know she pulled on the ole' heart strings. Asia basically brought joy to my otherwise terrible day! God Bless Asia (the continent, the band AND the lady)! 

Oh yeah. And buying these helped too...
Cute and comfy. Just want Asia would want.
It's Wednesday! Which means it's almost Thursday, which is basically Friday. Sooooo T.A.I.F!
-Charlie

6 comments:

w✩ley said...

A couple of things.

1) I need to know where you got the shoes so I can go get my own pair.
2) Your it's Wednesday, which means it's almost Thursday line made me think of the card you gave me for my 21st birthday that read something like this:

OMG You're 21. Which means you're almost 25, which is really close to 30, which means you're almost 40, so basically you're over the hill.


Some things never change :)

Lulu said...

ahahhahhaaaa...I have a headache and the only prescription is MORE asia!

M said...

I couldn't stop laughing, I especially love the T.A.I.F. bit, but if you say that then I am forced to say T.Y.I.F. to offset yours, thereby allowing peace to spread throughout the galaxy.

Christina said...

Bahaha...you made ma laugh and you convinced me to follow you so I can laugh again :)

Thanks for entering my giveaway and following me!! :)

Trish said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Trish said...

oh charlie how you make me laugh!!! but ah Helen is gone?! (this is the tried and true Vienna nail salon where we used to go as wee children??) its like an era GONE. if you're still talking about the same place. if not, whatevs!

but I know what you mean - a great foot massage can turn an entire YEAR around. but are you really going to let Joel massage your feet? I don't really like "real people" (as in not wonderwoman Asia-n women) to go anywhere close to my feet. I think its due to the abuse we've recieved at the nail salon all these years. Crippling insecurity was the result.

Ok END this Trish or get your own damn blog...